An Explaination of Sorts
by Servant of Anubis
Summary: Oneshot. Sesshomaru speaks about his past. Can be taken as a prequel to Absolute Loneliness.


S.o.A.: A humble one-shot designed to give explaination for Sesshoumaru's actions.

Disclaimer: I wish Sesshoumaru was mine... 

_It was the eve of my 800th birthday, and as a gift my father allowed me to lead the legion. Our target was a city, which lay in a valley with a river to the south and the beginnings of a mountain range to the north. Truth be told, it was no more than a training exercise for my men, and myself, being as it was poorly defended and manned in our eyes, although I suppose the humans thought themselves to be quite protected. They soon found otherwise. We struck at dawn, just as the sun rose over the eastern hills, bathing the city in a bloody light. I recalled my father thinking the moment rather ironic. We took the city before the Rabbit's_ 1_ hour was done.__  
_

_After the battle, what remained was the dividing of spoils and women, the burning of the dead, the burial of the enemy, the care of the few wounded, and the organizing of the defeated men for seppuku. The Dog General was very orderly, and always saw to that these things were done before nightfall. The lieutenants were put in charge of over-seeing the tasks; I was to over-see seppuku, to act as the second, according to my father's wishes. Thanking him for the honor I did as he requested. I discovered a coward among the captured, who could not bring himself to thrust the dagger. I cannot properly convey my disgust for that individual. I sank my claws into his bared stomach, and allowed my poison to seep into the wound. The human didn't notice the poison at first, being to preoccupied with the wound itself, until I was a few men away. I ignored his screaming._

_After completing my task, I went to my father's tent, where he was writing out the divisions for his men. I stood at the entranceway in silence, until he handed his notes to a colonel and beckoned me forward. He asked me how my task faired, and I told of the coward and how I dealt with it. Nodding in agreement, he told me to silence him and meet me on the battlefield. I bowed myself out._

_Returning to where I left the coward, I was disappointed to hear him still screaming. Walking over to him, he begged me for death. I knew that was what my father meant when he said to silence him, but I could always pretend that he hadn't been specific enough. I ripped out his throat to silence him, and went to join the Dog General, leaving the human to die a dishonorable death._  
_He was standing on the battlefield, surrounded by attendants. The women were lined up, two even rows, all of them looking frightened and nervous. I approached, bowed deeply, and came forward. Omi, my father's favorite attendant, was explaining that the women were separated into the lines according to who would be good at kitchen duties and who would be good at other things. Waving for me to follow, my father started down the line._  
_He inspected the women, selecting a few to be given to various people of the legion or members of court who showed great bravery or loyalty. A scribe that followed him a good three paces back wrote all this down. Sometimes the Dog General would call a woman forward and question them, or inspect her a little closer, but never being disrespectful. He was delighted to see a pair of twins and he told the scribe to make sure they were well cared for; they were to be a gift to his wife, my mother. Some of the women looked ready to faint. On one of those occasions a girl, no more than fourteen, was brought forward. She was shaking horribly, so great was her fear of my father. He lifted his hand to brush a strand of hair away from her face, and she visibly flinched. Still as a statue, she stared fearfully at my father's slowly advancing hand, and just as his fingertips brushed against her face, she fainted. I hid a smirk as Omi rushed forward to catch the girl before she fell on the Dog General. With a slightly jovial tone, my father asked if I would like the girl. I replied, "Thank you, but, so sorry, I fear she would annoy me too much." After instructing another women to care for the girl, he continued on, with no further problems._  
_Until he reached her._  
_She stood tall, unafraid, as my father approached. A pretty human, I'll give her that much, with blue-black hair pulled into what would have been a tight bun before our attack. Her face was powdered and her lips were full and lush, a deep red color. Her eyes were a startling gray, perfectly shaped and rimmed by thick lashes. A twelve-layered kimono of exquisite design covered her slim frame. She was, without a doubt, the wife of the former human lord._  
_My father called her forward and she came; gracefully, yet her posture was unyielding. I watch my father study her intently and I did not like it one bit. I willed the woman to do something stupid that would get her killed, but no such thing happened. I didn't really expect anything; she was, after all, a member of a royal court. She knew better. I watched coolly as she met my father's gaze and held it for a few seconds before dropping her eyes to the ground._  
_The Dog General muttered distractedly to have this woman brought to his tent later._

_One thing led to another, and although the woman hated my father at first, she soon came to like him, and her new home: the palace.  
_  
_It turns out the woman's name was Izayoi, 'sixteenth day o f the moon', most likely on account of her eyes. It really didn't matter what her name was, after a few weeks at the palace everyone called her Ningen Hime, 'human princess'. Everyone except my father, who called her koibito_2_. I quickly came to hate the human who had so easily won the heart of the Dog General. Every time she was around my father acted like someone else, someone I couldn't recognize. It was painfully obvious that he favored her, constantly showering her with gifts._  
_  
Years passed and Ningen Hime found herself with child. How the rumors flew then. Father seemed pleased, but you could tell he was worried. A half-demon child was practically unheard of, and usually such a mistake, for that is what it is considered, is killed immediately after birth, or a miscarriage is forced. My father cared about Ningen Hime too much to allow either of those things to take place, although he was strongly advised to keep to tradition. Most demons in the palace considered a half-breed to be a disgrace, myself included, although none would ever admit that had my father cared to know how his palace felt about the coming child. Ningen Hime knew of this distaste and begged my father to allow her back to her city for the birth of the child, claiming human tradition as her reasoning. Her city had been rebuilt after my one assault and was flourishing again by human standards, although I heard word that the people missed their princess. After much consideration, the Dog General reluctantly agreed to Ningen Hime's request. She went back to her land.  
_  
_By this point I had grown so disgusted with my father's actions that I avoided him when ever possible. In a palace, such a thing is easily accomplished. I busied myself with the pursuit of power in order to keep my mind off things, especially things I'd rather not think about. It soon became a habit. I buried my soul in this power and sought more as the birth of the half-breed drew closer. Finally, it was Juunigatsu_3_ and Ningen Hime was expected to give birth any day. My father set out to go to her.  
_  
_The night he left, I awoke in the middle of the night. At first I couldn't figure out what had disturbed my slumber, but then I noticed: the scent of blood, a familiar blood, was on the wind.  
_  
_My father's blood._

_Immediately, I set out to find him. Tracking his blood to the east, I found him standing at the coast, gazing out toward the vast expanse of ocean. The moon was full and snow covered the ground in a thick deep blanket. It was such a beautiful night._

_My father had been ambushed on his way to his love and had lost all his men. He stood before me, wounded, blood dripping down his arm and staining the white snow. He spoke, his voice soft and he questioned me. He was as I had never seen him before. I could feel it in the air, and sense it in the hollow of my bones: he was dying._

_ Most of what he asked me was a blur. However, one question he asked me stands out in my mind even today: "Sesshomaru, my son, do you care about any one?"_

_It caught me off guard and I stared at my father for a few seconds before answering, "No, Father, no one."_

_I received no response from my answer, but I didn't expect one. The world was slightly darker now, I realized suddenly. Glancing up at the moon I noticed a strange thing. It was eclipsing. Remembering Ningen Hime's real name, Izayoi, the meaning of the dark omen struck me._

_She was dying as well._

_  
__My father noticed, and turned to his true form. He leaped of into the night, compelled to go to her.  
_  
_That was the last I ever saw of my father._

_I will now continue my tale using information I gathered from various people about the events that followed my father's departure._

_  
He speed on toward Ningen Hime's city, pushing himself too hard and leaving a trail of blood behind him. His thoughts were focused on one thing, and that was getting to his love. He arrived at the human city and quickly broke through the outer defenses. He went to the center of the city to their palace and then turned back to his humanoid form. Samurai and noblemen alike stood armed at the outside and more past the Inner Walls. Once my father was in clear view, he drew the Tetsusaiga. At the same time, the archers let lose their arrows. My father dodged or broke most of the arrows and he didn't notice the few that embedded themselves into his flesh. He quickly laid waste to both the Outer and Inner Walls. He then faced the palace entrance in time to see a samurai lord walk out.__The samurai told my father he was too late, that Ningen Hime had been sent beyond. The two suddenly rushed each other and the samurai lost an arm. The Dog General ran into the palace. Walking slowly, he came upon the Birth and Death Room. Steeping inside, he saw the still form of his dead wife. The samurai had killed her, a spear right through her heart. My father pulled out the spear and flung it aside. Drawing the Tensaiga, he said a silent prayer to whatever god was listening, and struck Ningen Hime. The sword worked its miracle and his love awoke._  
_Meanwhile, the samurai outside the palace gave the order: "Set the fires! We'll burn the demon!" Fire arrows flew through the air and the palace was quickly ablaze. The samurai lord waked inside.  
_  
_Ningen Hime then held in her hands a squalling half-demon boy. The palace burned around them and they heard a voice behind. The samurai lord walked toward the Dog General saying how he didn't mind dying so long as he took my father with him. They faced each other and drew their swords.  
_  
_"Inuyasha."  
_  
_The samurai lord looked at my father. "What?"  
_  
_Not turning away from his opponent, he told Ningen Hime, "His name is Inuyasha. Take him, and run."  
_  
_She hesitated.__"NOW!"_

_She ran and the battle began. The samurai lord was now a match for the Dog General, who was weakened due to his wounds and loss of blood. They fought as the fire raged around them.  
_  
_They were still in the palace as it collapsed in a fiery blaze._

_These events have always been my excuse to loathe humans and half-breeds alike.__ Humans are weak creatures, with no proper sense of honor or dignity. They are highly susceptible to disease and pain and mental illness. They are pathetic. My view of humans will never change._  
_Half-breeds are a disgrace to demons for having tainted blood. Demons are better than humans; to share their blood is inexcusable.  
_  
_And yet, these views are beginning to change. I now see my real reasons for hating humans and half-breeds.__I was upset by my father's death and blamed Ningen Hime for it. Inuyasha was the cause of my father's leaving the palace, so I likewise blamed him as well. Also, I hated humans, so that deepened my dislike for Inuyasha._  


But even those reasons aren't accurate. I cared for Inuyasha. I couldn't understand how he couldn't hate humans for what they did to him, for wanting to kill him just because he had demonic blood. I hate humans for their treatment of demons and half-demons alike.I am fighting a war with myself. I no longer know what to think of the world. I am searching for answers to questions that are ripping me apart. I don't know if I'll ever find the answers. I'm not even sure if the reasons I just gave are accurate. I cannot ask questions that I cannot answer immediately. It's too dangerous. If I become unfocused, I risk the safety of the people around me. I refuse to let that happen. Even at the cost of my sanity.

Owari

S.o.A.: Meep. This is a direct result of being bitten by a plot bunny after watching the movie **Inuyasha: Sword of World Conquest**. Moral of this lesson: Don't go near computers or notebooks after things like that...

1 Rabbit's hour: The day was split into different hours according to the Zodiac Signs. Rabbit's hour is from 5 am to 7am.

2 Koibito: A general term used between lovers, usually translated as 'sweetheart' or the like.

3 Juunigatsu: December; literally 'twelfth moon'.


End file.
